Hard Core!

I use to be hard core....

"Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely." -Meredith

When I was younger (middle school mainly) I was made fun of a lot and the harsh words and teasing forced me to develop thick skin and not care what other people thought or said. I could take it and as time went on I learned how to give it out as well. By the time I got to high school I was extremely harden, I did what I wanted to do and never apologized. I actually had a boyfriend that said "Cold Hard Bitch" was the song that reminded him most of me. I was hard core!

I think this came in handy when I went off to college because of the highly competitive situations I was in with color guard. Even in friendships and dating my "hard coreness" proved to be an asset of mine. I didn't let people in...not really. There was always some type of wall up to protect myself and I was known for my toughness.

Then someone came along and completely changed all that. A soft and fragile girl from deep down inside of me emerged and I was totally ok with that. I loved more than I had ever loved before and I felt like I was home. Over time I slowly lost that hard core side of me.

I need it back. I need to be hard core again. Because what I am doing right now...the choice to be with him but not be with him requires me to be hard core again. So that during the day I am not thinking about what it might mean, I just take it for what it is. 3 years ago I could have done this with no problem, because I was hard core then.

I must be hard core now....I am choosing this moment to be hard core.