Roomie

I have already decided that I have an AWESOME room mate!

The first week of school I knew on Wednesday that I would need to come home and cut the grass. I would have done it on Sunday, but it rained. So, after my second day of teaching I knew no matter how tired I was I needed to mow. BUT I leave the school and look at my phone to find a text message from my room mate asking me where the weed eater was, then a second one saying "never mind...found it". I came home to a beautiful cut yard.

Then, we get cable! The Mediacom guys come to the house (while I am at work) to install everything and couldn't figure anything out. Luckily my room mate was there and everything was fine. My room mate had to basically set up the cable and Internet because the Mediacom guys couldn't do anything. I would not have been able to do that if I was the one there that day!

Last night, coming home from school I decided I was actually going to cook dinner, which is something that I can do I just don't like doing it. But, my awesome room mate comes out and says "hey, I was gonna cook dinner...when do you want to eat?" It was so awesome! So all I had to do was steam the corn on the cob! Now that's what I'm talking about!!!

I knew this was going to be a fun living situation but I never guessed it was going to be this nice. I am really looking forward to the year with my new roomie : )

*Off Topic*

I had a dream about my ex last night. It made me wake up in the middle of the night pretty sad. I really wonder how he is doing, how the school year is going, and I so badly want to text or call or email him and ask. But I know I cant....and that some times still kills me a little.

The Weekend

There comes a point when "moving on" stops being something you keep telling your self you have to do and becomes a reality. I don't know what is more terrifying, the inability to stop loving someone or allowing yourself to fall for someone else after being hurt so badly. It has been exactly 5 months since the break up and about 2 months since the news that broke me beyond repair. But this weekend...

I met someone in July. Me and a few of my Deltasig friends went to KC to spend the weekend at a Deltasig Alumnus's lake house and he was there. We all had an extremely fun time and I did not really think much of this guy I met till we went back to the lake the weekend before school started. It was now the second time we got the chance to hang out and I find out he lives here in Springfield.

So, we decided to spend some time together this weekend. Now, I am not saying that I am falling for this guy. I think this weekend just made me feel like I could "move on" finally. He took me for a ride on his bike (one of those really fast Japanese motorcycles), we watched some TV, he took me to dinner at Fugi (so freakin good!), then watched a movie, and just had a blast of a weekend.

I have to admit that I am scared beyond the telling of it to fall for someone again. I am worried that who ever I date next will find a very withdrawn and broken person inside. But its a step I think. This weekend I had fun and I look forward to doing it again.

End of the Week

It is Friday already....how did that happen?!?! I love it now that I am actually teaching. The day moves so much quicker and the kids are so much more fun when you are actually teaching them something.

Last night I had enough energy to get a lot of things done around the house. I still have quite a bit to do but it is slowly but surely getting finished. I cant wait till everything is unpack and put where it needs to be. Next big thing will be to have a yard sale to get rid of everything I don't need or don't have a place for in my house.

Woo Hoo for being able to have a yard sale!!!

Edit*

I made it through the first week of my first teaching job! People keep asking me "how is it going" which I think it sweet, and I reply "Cake Walk!" Everyone seems surprised when I say that. But, I don't understand why they are so shocked. I mean, teaching isn't easy and dealing with some of the students can really be draining, but what job isn't hard at times. I think this week went really well and I look forward to Monday!

End of Day 3

So I am finished with my 3rd day of teaching. Today was so much better because I actually got to teach a lesson. The first 2 days of school was just syllabus, rules, procedures, and FBLA recruitment. My day went by so much fast since I had something more exciting to do.

Tomorrow is Friday and I am happy for that. With my room mate moving in last weekend the house looks like a bomb hit it. I need to do some major cleaning and laundry. Hope I have the energy for it.

Cant remember...

Its been a week...I think....an entire week since I have talked to him. Since I've heard his voice or seen his name on my phone for a text. Its ok, I'm ok...but Ive been trying to remember what I was like before he was in my life. Who I was before I met him....and I cant remember. I wonder if he still reads this, if he still thinks of me. But its ok, I'm ok. I just wish I could remember what I was like before I gave him my heart. But maybe I am not suppose to. I am who I am now and I cant go back. Each day I just try to take one more step forward...looking toward the future and focus on what I do have instead of what I have lost.

I cant remember....but, I'm ok. I have to remind myself that I am ok.

Big Day

And it begins....

Edit*

It is my planning period now. The first half of the day went well. Syllabus day is not so much fun. I will look forward to actually starting to teach stuff tomorrow and Thursday!

More when the day is done :)

Edit*

So, I made it through my first day! It went by fast. I think I will sleep well tonight. Going over the same thing all day long...really drained me!

Anyway, Ill keep posting as the week goes on.

Tomorrow...

A new chapter in my life starts tomorrow. I am not scared, nervous, worried, or really any perceivably negative emotion. I am ready! This is what I have been working toward, planning for, and waiting on for a long time. Its weird to think I am here finally. When you are younger it seems like it will be forever till you are a "grown up" and then when it finally happens...you kind of wonder where it all went.

So think of me tomorrow. Its the first page, the first step, the first day of school!

Amazing People

I cant begin to express how amazing the people are here in the Willard High School Business Dept. I wake up every morning looking forward to working with them. Some times I am really amazed that I was able to get my first job at a school like this and be able to be surrounded by such great people. I am very grateful that God has placed me here. With everything that has been going on lately, having this positive and uplifting team around me has really helped me move forward. I know I will learn and grow so much working beside them.

Another awesome thing....the new male business teacher reminds me so much of Josh its crazy!!!! Which I love because I think my brother-in-law is one of the funnest and coolest people I know. This will make the coming school year an entertaining one to say the least!

A great phone call...

Tuesday was an interesting day for me.

This summer has been one of the hardest, emotionally, seasons I have had to go through so far in my life. My heart had been broken and I had been carrying around this information about the break up that no one else knows but me. I told myself that I wouldn't tell my family, my closest friends, or anyone else because I knew if we ever got back together they wouldn't understand why I forgave him. I have been unable to heal....walking around as an empty shell of what I once was. For so long I wondered what I did to cause this. Why I wasn't enough.

But Tuesday, Tuesday was a day with clear thoughts for me. They weren't clouded with how much I love him or the sorrow that had filled my heart for so long. I was able to see! See what he did to me...who he is...realizing that he will do the same thing to the person he is with now. If we ever got back together he wouldn't change. I could never trust him the way I did before I knew the truth.

I got a phone call from a very special person Tuesday afternoon, my friend Nick. Nick was the person I was dating when he asked me to get back together...to forgive him and come back to him. I never realized how much Nick cared for me during that time till a few weeks ago when he told me. But I left Nick for him....without a moments pause. Anyway, during our phone call Nick in his very direct way said that I have to cut him off. I told him that I knew that but didn't know if I was strong enough. But then he said "You will be surprised what you have the strength to do when you have no choice. When its something that HAS to be done."

I know it is going to hurt, but I have to rip off the band aid. No more calling, texting, emailing, video chatting, or random meetings. I have to be the one who ends this. I have to be the grown up here, the better person. He calls us friends, but we can never be friends and I cant be this person anymore. I have this great new job, my own house, and this potential for a new beginning. I need to move forward and I know this is what has to be done in order for me to do that.......

Tuesday was an interesting day for me.

My Classroom!

I am getting my classroom all set up now. Going to Staples this morning to buy this and that. It is very exciting and a little surreal. I cant believe I am finally here. To this place in my life where I am in charge of everyday. What the kids will learn each hour will be up to me. Its crazy to think about it.

But one thing is always in the back of my mind. Even though I have all these great things happening around me...he is still there. It is going on 5 months now and I still love him just as much as I did when we were together. I guess there are some people that come into your life that you will never forget...never let go of. He will be in my heart always and I know I am still in his.

I am jealous of her at times. She gets to be with him now. Go places with him...watch movies with him...eat dinner with him. But on the other hand I am not jealous of her. I wonder if he will do the same thing to her that he did to me. If she will give all she has to him just to be drained out empty. At the end will she be a shell of what she was? Or will she hold back?

I think about our first couple months together...that is where they are now. But is it the same? Has he told her, like he did me, how perfect she is for him...how he has never felt this way about someone this quickly...how he thinks she was built for him. I wonder.... Wonder if it is as passionate as we were.

Of course I hope its not. And I guess I'll never know.