I think I went about 7 hours without thinking about Kris. I know its not much...but its something.
I have to keep reminding myself, he is not my Prince Charming, he is not my dream man, he is not the love of my life, he is not my lobster, and he is not The One. No matter how much I once thought he was all these things...I have to remind myself daily, hourly, and all the moments in between, that he is not these things to me anymore.
Do I still wish sometimes that he was? Yes. Knowing the phrase "ignorance is bliss" really has a hold on me. I sometimes wish I could forget everything I know now and go back to thinking of him like I use to. To have the image in my mind of him that I use to have. But I cant. I cant go back.
I have this list in my mind...a list of all the qualities I would like to find in a guy.....
Passionate
Intelligent
Musical
Creative
Strong
Funny
Self Sustaining
Confident
And there are qualities I cant sum up in one word....
I want someone who is Brilliant in what they do, who doesn't settle in just doing their job, but redefines their job. Someone who wants to take care of me but NOT baby me. Someone who sees me as the strong and determined woman I am but also knows that sometimes I am a simple and soft girl. I want someone who can appreciate both music and sports. If they are a sports person, they will tolerate and maybe even go to a band competition or winter guard festival. If they are a music person, they can still go to a Cardinals game with me. I want someone who is one fire about me and about life. Someone who isn't just walking through the motions, but striving to be better all the time. I want someone Extraordinary! Because I want to be Extraordinary! And I want us to make each other better.
Kris was all these things to me. But I have to let it go. He may have met almost all of these qualities I want in a guy...but he was missing one very important one.
To love me and only me! Unconditionally...with no restraint. Like I did him.
I went 7 hours without thinking about Kris today.....
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I'm sorry that he couldn't be enough of the man that you so deserve, but God has a way...His way. While Kris may not have been the man you thought him to be, I believe that God is working in his heart too. Sometimes it takes unbelievable circumstances for God to show us His amazing grace. I wish you peace, and pray for you always. May God bless you as you struggle to find your way.
ReplyDeleteThis wording sounds so familiar...I wish I knew who this was....
ReplyDeleteI think I know.....
ReplyDeleteSeems a bit familiar to me too. R
ReplyDeleteYour list seems to be missing some key traits:
ReplyDeleteHonesty
Sincere
Integrity
Caring
Responsibility
Non-emotionally-sociopathic-and-narcissistic ...
You should consider upping your standards some.